The Importance of Not Knowing (And How to Deal With It)

I’m heading up to Boston this weekend to partake in my good friends’ wedding. Two friends I know from college are getting married to each other. When they first started dating, some of us friends were fairly surprised by the impromptu matchmaking.  “Huh?  Really?” Close with both parties individually, I suppose none of us really saw it coming based upon the nature of exchanges between them that we were accustomed to. Relationships can be fun surprises like that. That was about 4 years ago, and now they’re a perfect pairing madly in love, and swapping vows Saturday on the North Shore. We couldn’t be happier for them.

A lot of friends and colleagues over the years have shifted into career paths that, at first divulsion of their new life plans, similarly left some of us initially thinking “Wtf?” Like my friend who decided to “retire” at 29. But really all that meant to him was leaving an expired career path to pursue a new phase defined by something he found much more exciting and rewarding. The logical path always suggests something expected, and then when people veer off that path that defines our expectations of them to do something else, we scurry to see where we missed the obvious signals. Sometimes there are no obvious signals, because life is full of surprises and unforeseen opportunities. I think a rainbow of enthusiasm just appeared outside my window.

The commonality here, whether we’re talking about relationships or careers, is that throughout our lives we constantly embark upon opportunities that we never really saw coming, or that we considered possibilities for ourselves prior to being presented with them. And it’s important to recognize that this happens in life. A lot. We can plan it all out to a degree, but there will always be an element of uncertainty working in the background, responsible for many of the “Wtf?” moments of opportunity. And it’s important to embrace that by allowing events in our lives and our careers to unfold organically, to a degree.

For example…

Things You Can Control in You Career

  • Your decision to take a job
  • Your decision to leave a job
  • How you create work-life balance
  • How well your resume and cover letter are put together
  • What types of jobs you apply to
  • Creating an effective job search strategy
  • Who you work for
  • Who you network with, and how you do it
  • Where you want to work geographically
  • Whether or not you obtain a degree, and from where
  • Your reaction to rejection
  • Your level of energy and motivation
  • Getting fired

Things You Cannot Control in Your Career

  • The personalities of your boss and/or colleagues
  • Layoffs, furloughs and salary cuts
  • The state of the job market
  • Who will respond to your resume and when
  • Lack of feedback from recruiters and hiring managers
  • Prospects vanishing into thin air after a really great interview
  • Hiring freezes, or job openings being put on hold
  • Unfair hiring practices (yes, the boss probably did hire his inexperienced, lazy nephew over you to do his brother in law a favor)
  • Who you may meet tomorrow

The pessimist looks at the above list and says, “My God, I hope none of that ever happens to me.” The optimist says “My God, I hope none of that every happens to me,” and then it does happen to them, and they reframe the event as a new opportunity they never considered before. And they ask themselves – “What is the potential for me here?” You were laid off? Great- now you can finally start that cupcake business you have been thinking about since freshman year of college.

It’s all about positioning yourself well for success, but leaving room for the unexpected to occur, and accepting that as part of the overall change process. Too many job seekers and career changers get caught up on the end result – whether or not they’ve reached Point B yet, and that is extremely dangerous and discouraging. People who focus on Point B worry a lot; they’re afraid they won’t get the one thing they want, and they convince themselves that one thing is directly tied to their happiness. It’s important to have a carefully laid plan in your job search or career transition, but understand that maybe your next role doesn’t lie hidden in the job boards, but in an opportunity or connection that has yet to be made.

When you consider the process of change instead of the end result, you leave room to uncover and create new unforeseen opportunities along the way that could end up being your answer. This is why people consistently put so much emphasis on the importance of networking in a successful job search, because in so many cases those chance encounters actually do lead to job leads, interviews and offer letters. It’s daunting to rely on networking as a strategy because it’s so intangible. At least with searching job boards, you have a physical job posting that exists and a clear objective to send your resume to the given email address within a particular time frame. With networking, there’s no clear instruction or guarentee of how it could turn out. Could you have known for sure going into a conversation with someone that they would provide a solid lead or be able to get your resume to a strategic person within their organization? Absolutely not, but having an open mind about what can come of it and wanting to uncover that information is critical.

Having control is idealized. Seeking control is detrimental. Positioning yourself for success is the happy medium. The American scientist Carl Sagan once said, “The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.” You can strategize and prepare, plan and double-check as much as you’d like, but we never have all of the information upfront. Trust that you will come upon it eventually.

And if that seems scary, I challenge you to do a little exercise and look back at a situation where your decision to create change stemmed from an opportunity that you hadn’t expected, but the outcome was positive for you. Try and remember your thought process leading up to discovering that opportunity- maybe you worried about what to do, you felt anxious, scared, or even hopeless. And then how did you feel after the opportunity presented itself and you went with it- relieved, lucky, suprised, silly for not thinking of it earlier? How can you take that same process and apply it to something you’re experiencing today, to create a sense of trust, peace and confidence that you will indeed find the answer? Try it- you’ll be surprised.

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1 Comment on "The Importance of Not Knowing (And How to Deal With It)"


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Suzanne Ronayne
12 years 10 months ago

Good post, but I have to take issue with you on one point: On things you can control in your career – getting fired isn’t one of them! Remember, your employer has the power to hire and fire. They hold all the cards, ALL the time. You can work your socks off. You can try really hard to do a good job and STILL be thrown out like yesterday’s trash! For the most spurious of reasons (especially when working with employment agencies). I DO know what I’m talking about. So don’t think this is something you can control.